To Love Is To Suffer
by praiseprussia
Summary: Love is a burden when your fate is set against it. AmeBela zombie au. TW: Death. TW: Gore.


Being surrounded by flesh-eating creatures sort of gave you limitations on what you can and can't do. For instance, you learn that it's better not to get attached to things. Especially people. Everything is temporary because one day you might be surrounded by those you love the next day, their mangled corpses. This was the harsh truth of the new world.

Humans were prone to breaking this unspoken rule. They would fall in love, have children, build relationships, then everything they built would crumble before their eyes. If you were lucky though, you would be the first to die so you wouldn't have to watch your family and friends suffer. It was a painful world; one that Alfred wished didn't exist.

Despite all the pain, there was a sort of ironic beauty to it all. No matter how horrible things got humans continued to fight. It was an uphill battle to survive but no one wanted to give up. Alfred didn't see why everyone tried so hard to live on until one day he found his own reason to keep fighting. Her name was Natalya. She had platinum blonde hair and was a whole 5 feet 9 inches of pure diligence. She was absolutely gorgeous but it wasn't her beauty that caught the American's eye, it was her heart. She fought with everything she had when it came to others, yet she had no regard for her own safety or survival.

Alfred didn't understand why she cared so little for herself, in this world the only way to live was to only care about yourself. He decided to stick with her to make sure she didn't accidentally die at her own hand. He was curious and slowly by slowly he pecked at her, trying to understand her reasoning. It wasn't until a cold, empty night in front of a cackling campfire her secrets were revealed. It was just the two of them so, much to her reluctance, they had to stay close for warmth. Alfred saw this as a chance to discover more about her so he tried to chat her up a little.

"So, Natalya, do you have any family?" He had asked.

"I had a sister named Katya and a brother named Ivan." She replied coldly.

"I see, I see..." Moments passed in silence. "And what happened to them?"

"None of your business." She was blunt.

"Aw c'mon! You can tell me!" He flashed her a pearly smile, "Pleeeease?"

She glared daggers into him, "I said it was none of your business." This time her words were matched with a light elbow to the ribs.

"I'll tell about my family if you tell me about yours," she didn't speak up so he took it as a sign to continue, "I grew up with a guy named Arthur, we weren't family by blood but he took me in when I was really young. I can only presume that my blood family was killed otherwise they just left me to die. Anyways, after a year or so we met up with a man named Francis who had a son named Matthew. Matt was younger than me by a year or two so we got along really well. From then on all four of us stuck together. When I had turned 15 or so we had made our way to a warehouse where we heard a large group of people inhabited. There was supposed to be a stable system going on over there, everything was supposed to be okay.

"When we got to the city it seemed abandoned but we expected that the people were hiding. They weren't, a couple weeks before hand the warehouse got attacked and there were almost no survivors, but nobody had warned us so we walked ourselves into a trap. We were attacked and I was the only one to make it out of there, God knows how, but I did so here I am, 8 years later, still alive."

A hushed heaviness hung in the air.

"I'm sorry," Natalya whispered moving a little closer to him.

"It's okay, I've had my time to heal." Alfred looked up at the stars then back at Natalya. "Now it's your turn, what happened to you?"

Natalya sighed and looked down at her slightly shaking hands. "About a year ago me and my siblings lived together in the mountains up north. It was safer than down here, there were rarely any incidents. One day I went out into the forest that surrounded our little cabin. I was going to find a rabbit or something for us to eat. It had been a while since we last had meat and it was close to my sister's birthday so I thought we could use the treat.

"So I headed out, I was determined to find something so I didn't come back until the sun was almost down. In the distance I could see the cabin with lights in the windows, I knew I'd get in trouble for worrying them so I was dragging my every step to the house. When I got close enough I seen the door was kicked in and there was blood everywhere. I ran as fast as I could only to see in the middle of the floor their bodies broken and half consumed." Tears formed at the corners of Natalya's eyes and her voice started to crack.

"Apparently when I was busy looking for something to catch I got a large cut across my hand, it was pretty bad but at the time I payed no attention to it only covering it with a bandage. The smell of all that blood from my cut must have drawn one of those, those _creatures_ to my home and now they're both dead and it's all my fault." She spat the last words with such hatred and despair.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," Alfred couldn't help himself, he wrapped his arms around Natalya as a sign of comfort and understanding. At first, she tensed, unsure how to react to such a gesture, then she hugged him back and sobbed into his shoulder. Her body shook with such a force that at that moment Alfred decided he would do anything to make sure she would never feel this way again.

Time moved on and they stayed in that position for what felt like an eternity. Slowly, Natalya's uncontrollable sobs turned into small, inaudible cries but she continued to cling to the American's chest as if it were the only thing keeping her from falling off the face of the earth. She had exhausted herself, finally releasing all that pain she had built up, and Alfred knew so. He leaned beside her ear and whispered for her to try and fall asleep. She objected at first but gave up once she felt a wave of fatigue come over her like a cloud. Minutes later she was sound asleep.

As her resting head lay on his chest all Alfred could think about was all the guilt she must have felt, all the suffering she had caused herself, all the pain she'd been through in the past year. He ran his fingers through her hair, she had been through so much and all on her own. His heart yearned for justice on her behalf but he knew there was none to come; not in this lifetime anyways. Part of Alfred wanted to jump up, to fight and scream and go down kicking, nothing holding him back! The other part of him wanted to spend the rest of his life, peacefully, in her arms and her in his.

Unfortunately, that was the moment when Alfred realized he had locked himself in a death sentence. He had fallen victim to the worst crime in the screwed up world: _love_. He was going to pay greatly for this. Love was going to beat him mercilessly, stand over his broken, bleeding body, break through his ribs and pull out his still beating heart, and like many others all he could do was beg for more. Alfred looked up at the stars and sighed, he might as well kill himself now. At least _that_ would be less painful than the inevitable to come.

Months passed and seasons changed yet the inertia of endless suffering continued to linger in the American's heart. Regardless, Alfred enjoyed every second he could be with Natalya whether they were sitting silently in each other's presence or running for their life, the fact that she was there with him made everything seem so much more bearable. At first, it was a bit awkward between the two, having probably confessed their darkest secrets to each other in one night; it felt as if they were suddenly emotionally thrust toward each other. It was all moving a bit fast for them but eventually they learned to work side by side, their every move flowing in and around each other. They became one thought process, one movement, the perfect team.

Together they travelled the countryside, it was much safer than going through the big cities but they still had to be on guard. One wrong move and they could both end up dead. Despite this, they made sure to keep moving, never staying in one place too long. It was better to risk going around in the outside world than to remain motionless like sitting ducks, waiting for death to knock on their door.

It was what Alfred could only guess as late June or early July now, the day had been hot, not anything new for the summer months but it had made walking increasingly undesirable as the sun rose in the afternoon sky. It was making their minds murky, and Alfred knew that they couldn't have this if they wanted to stay sharp to survive. He scanned their surroundings. Around them lay acres upon acres of vast fields. On top of the horizon sat a little blob that probably used to be a house. This gave Alfred an idea.

"Hey, Nat," The American's voice broke the deafening silence surrounding the two.

"Hmm."

"How about we take a rest at that house over there?" He pointed at the dot at what seemed like the edge of the world.

"Yeah, okay, why not." Natalya was too tired to say no. She didn't complain much but she wasn't used to the sun's heat having grown up in the coldest parts of the mountains where it snowed for almost ten months of the year. Not to mention, she couldn't resist the possibility of actually resting on a soft wooden floor rather than on the cold, bug-infested mud she usually found herself on. Walking side by side, the two of them quickened their pace and made their way to the house.

When they got there, both Natalya and Alfred were stunned at how beautiful it still looked especially since it must have suffered through some very hard years. Nobody spent their time building houses anymore so this house had to be 25 years old _at least_. Alfred led Natalya to the front entrance where he put his hand in the doorknob. He was weary when he turned it, not wanting to be surprised by anyone or anything that awaited inside. At first glance, there was no one so Alfred did the usual for when they came to a seemingly empty house: He called out his name, business for being the there, and the always pleasant "I'm not here to hurt anyone, please come out if anyone's here". He found that this format was best for introductions. It was straight forward and to the point, plus it was really quick especially when peoples first reactions nowadays were to attack first, ask questions later.

Alfred turned to face Natalya, who was closing the door behind them, and smiled. "It's just us, I guess."

"So it seems," she replied, a smile flickering at the ends of her lips. "Let's look around a little. If we're lucky maybe we can find some food."

"I doubt it, but it's worth a shot."

Together, they scoured the house looking for anything worth keeping. As expected there wasn't much. Only a can of probably expired Spaghettios, two cans of extremely flat coke, and a relatively short piece of rope. Through their search they found a bed. Well, it wasn't so much a bed as it was a mattress striped of sheets in a wooden frame; this was a real luxury, regardless. After eating the tasteless Spaghettios and downing the coke, Alfred decided it was best to take a rest so the could start moving again when the sun went down.

"We don't have to start moving again until the sun starts to settle, do you want to sleep and I'll take first watch?"

"Yeah, that sounds good." Natalya tried to hide her relief at his statement but she was just happy that she could sleep first. After being under that sun for so long she felt like she could drop at any second.

"I'm going to sleep upstairs in that bed thing." With that she walked to the staircase and went up to the second floor.

Alfred's gaze followed Natalya until he couldn't see her anymore. He smiled, he knew she was exhausted but she would never admit it aloud. She never complained, out loud anyways, she'd always keep the pain to herself. It might have been a pride thing but he didn't care, she was strong either way. Alfred sighed and leaned against the wall nearest to him. He had to admit that he was tired as well, they'd been walking for the past couple days without almost any rest. The were trying to get to a hub where they could trade supplies and resources with other people. The thought of being around other people made him giddy though he couldn't explain why. It made him feel less alone knowing that there were others in his situation.

Alfred sighed again, this time his legs gave out so he sat down and rested his head against his knees which were pulled up to his chest. This was a tempting position, it made him want to close his eyes, forget the world, and fall so deep asleep that he'd never have to wake up again. He knew he couldn't sleep quite yet though, he had to stay awake, if not for his own sake for Natalya's. His eyes drooped shut as weariness floated above the American's head. _Two seconds_ he thought _, two seconds is all I need._ After staying in that position for almost an hour, Alfred was about to go under when all of a sudden he heard a thumping noise coming from outside. _Footsteps._

Alfred's mind smacked him out of his exhausted state and adrenaline rushed through his veins. He jumped up and flung himself beside the window nearest to the door, grabbing a metal rod as a weapon along the way. He peaked outside through the dirty glass. In front of the door there was a lanky looking boy about 17 to 19 years of age give or take. He looked so fragile, Alfred was surprised he was even alive, nonetheless he was relieved. At least it wasn't one of those mindless creatures that plagued the earth. Alfred loosened his grip on the rod and prepared to give his "I come in peace" speech once again. As the boy opened the door Alfred plastered a smile on his face, it wasn't genuine but he wanted to at least look a little less roguish so he didn't scare the boy half to death.

"Hey there," Alfred called out. At that moment all hell seemed to break loose. The boy completely freaked out and pulled out a gun, a rifle Alfred guessed. Truthfully, he was shocked; guns hadn't been used in so long because finding and creating ammunition became increasingly harder, plus they were pretty useless against undying creatures.

"Who the hell are you?!" The boy squealed, his hands were shaking. He was probably delirious from lack of sleep.

"Please, I don't mean to hurt you," Alfred put up his hands defensively, "I just came here to rest, just like you."

"How do I know you're not going to try and kill me?!" The boy cocked his gun, his finger hovering over the trigger.

"Because I'm not the one holding the gun in my face!" Alfred retorted. "Please, calm down!"

At that moment, a figure appeared at the bottom of the stairs and the boy's gun jumped from Alfred to it. Alfred had forgotten about Natalya, all the noise this kid was making probably woke her up.

"Wait, please," Alfred cried to the boy, but it was too late. A gun shot roared through the air. Natalya shrieked as her body crumpled to the floor. Blood started to pour out of her like water from a tap.

"No!" Alfred ran to the woman on the floor and held her in his arms. He was careful not to touch the wound that lay in the midst of her abdomen. Out of the corner of his eye Alfred could see the boy run from the house.

"God, no, please," tears fell from the American's eyes as he used his free hand to comfortingly stroke Natalya's cheek. She looked back up at him with terror in her eyes, her breath was ragged and she was getting faint fast: she knew she was going to die. Using what little strength was left Natalya brought her hand up to brush away the American's tears.

"D-don't cry for me, please," her words were barely audible but they echoed loudly in the abandoned house. She grasped for something to say but settled with: "Just kiss me."

"What?" The American was confused.

"Kiss me, just this once, I want to know what I'm going to miss about this world."

Alfred didn't need to be told twice. He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, softly at first, then with the force of a thousand goodbyes. As their lips moved together Alfred tried to express all the love he had ever felt for her through the one kiss. When their lips parted, Alfred's eyes meet with Natalya's, she smiled weakly.

"Its good to know I'm not missing much," she laughed faintly knowing that this joke was her last attempt at making him feel less guilty. Alfred smiled back, though it felt like a dagger was lodged in his heart.

"I love you," he whispered, his tears falling faster as he pressed his forehead against hers.

"I know," Natalya barely wheezed out. It was her last breathe.

At that, Alfred completely broke down, sobbing uncontrollably as he rocked back and forth covered in Natalya's blood. He held her body for what felt like ages before he stood up, consumed by rage. That _bastard_ , it was all his fault. He ruined everything! Alfred kicked the wall out of frustration, a foot-shaped hole emerging in its place. He screamed, not out of agony but of emptiness. It seemed like he couldn't feel anything anymore: No pain, no happiness, nothing. Without her, without Natalya, there was no hope left in life. Nothing worth living for.

Alfred screamed again, this time falling to his knees. He banged his head to the floor as he gripped his hair between his fingers. Why, _why_ did this have to happen? This was all his fault! They should have kept moving, why did he even suggest to stop? _Dammit_ , he would have traded anything to go back in time to stop himself!

Alfred's thoughts were interrupted by a loud moaning noise. _Zombies._ There had to be at least a group of 4 considering all the noise they were making; probably drawn in by all the blood from Natalya's deadly wound. Suddenly an idea struck him. It was a horrible, painful idea but it was all he had. He was too tired to fight, both mentally and physically, so he decided he would walk outside to meet his fate.

Before doing so, Alfred stood up and took one last glimpse of his love's body. A body he would never see moving happily or with spirit ever again. He cringed at the thought. This was it. He'd never have to worry again, never have to _care_ again. Alfred turned his head and walked through the door ahead, making sure to shut it behind him.

Within the next thirty minutes Alfred too was dead. He had fought with nothing but his bare hands, yet even then he didn't put effort into any of his defense. His death was torturous, bloody, and the sight left behind would make even the strongest of hearts throw up. Despite all this suffering, neither Alfred's or Natalya's deaths meant anything. No one mourned for them, no one cried tears for their sake, no one was there to put roses on their graves, not that they had one. In the end of it all, the world kept turning and the names Alfred Jones and Natalya Arlovskaya disappeared forever into the wind.


End file.
